Jupiter Tries To "Ascend" From Bad Critic Ratings

Have you ever gone to a movie expecting it to be bad?  If you've seen any of the Twilight films I'm sure you have.  This past weekend Jupiter Ascending was released into theaters around the country.  The film was supposed to come out in the summer, but six weeks from its release the film was pulled.  Some say due to bad test screenings.  Warner Bros said it needed more time on special effects.  Last week I watched every day as the critic rating for Jupiter Ascending on Rotten Tomatoes descended further and further into Transformers: Age of Extinction territory.

I went into this film hoping the cast could save it.  Channing Tatum is starting to gain my respect as an actor with films like 22 Jump Street and Foxcatcher.  Eddie Redmayne is in a two-horse race with Michael Keaton for the Best Actor category in this year's Oscars.  And Mila Kunis just had Ashton Kutcher's baby.  I feel like one of these thespians are making the wrong career choices.

  Kunis plays Jupiter, a girl who lives with her Russian family in Chicago and works as a maid.  One day she is abducted by aliens and is told she is the universal equivalent of a reincarnated space queen.  In her will, the queen left her reincarnated-self control of Earth.  But the queen's three children all want the planet for its resources, mainly for dissecting humans to make a liquid that keeps beings young forever.  Along her journey, Jupiter is protected by a spliced-outcast turned bounty hunter; Caine.  Played by Tatum, Caine must protect Jupiter from the royal family, and find a way to save Earth from their galactic greed.

Let me starts off by saying Channing Tatum was the best actor in this film.  Three years ago I would have slapped myself for saying that.  He plays the cool space-hero with some great gadgets.  I want his gravity boots!  This, along with the two other films I mentioned of his, is bringing me closer to believing he may actually be able to play Gambit from the X-Men come 2016.  The real test will be the Cajun accent.

Eddie Redmayne is sadly the worst actor in the film.  He plays a villain who mainly keeps his voice low and monotone, which would have worked if he didn't have fits of rage periodically.  That's not called "playing it cool" that's called "turrets syndrome."  Meanwhile, Mila Kunis did what she always does; she neither disappointed nor impressed me.  

The Wachowski's may not have the best track record after the first Matrix film, but they are definitely one of the best at creating worlds.  Even though I think this film is just a metaphor for how corporate greed will kill us all.  I feel like they've only scratched the surface of this mythology as everything is being explained to the audience at a stop-and-go pace.  We'd get a little bit of back story, and then a little bit of action, and then a little more back story, etc.  

And I will give them credit for the visual effects.  The actions sequences were great, and any film that features my favorite city to look at is good for me.  Certain moments in the film almost made me feel like I was watching a 1980's sci-fi film like The Last Starfighter or Dune, with all the cheesiness included.

But the film suffered too much from bad to mediocre acting, bad pacing, and being about twenty minutes too long.  I think there was plenty of material to be split into at least two films.  This might have given the directing siblings an ability to keep the film more focused and have less dead space.  I don't think the film deserves it's current 22% Rotten Tomatoes score, but it failed to live up to it's potential.  I might even be willing to see a sequel, just to see how far this rabbit hole goes. 

RATING:  C-

Casting Call: The Awesomes

Last night I finished re-watching the first season of the Hulu show, The Awesomes.  In an age where superhero films and entertainment are more popular than ever I find this show refreshing, smart, and hilarious.  It was conceived by Saturday Night Live alumni Seth Meyers, who voices Prock, along with some other SNL, and notable comedians, lending their voices to the show.   Season two of this series starts in August and I'm excited to see where the characters go after the season one finale.  The other night I was lying in bed and I came up with a few casting choices if The Awesomes ever made it to a big screen live adaptation.  So naturally, I had to think about who I would cast in all the roles instead of actually sleeping.

Micheal Cera as Prock

Prock is the leader of the new Awesomes.  His father, Mr. Awesome, has departed Earth and left Prock in charge of the team.  Because of this, everyone quits, so Prock has to fill his roster with a bunch of reject superheroes.  Prock is a genius, but everyone thinks he has no super powers so no one takes him seriously.  However, his best friend is the only one who knows that Prock has the ability to freeze time for ten seconds increments.

If you need a whiny, self-obsessed, uptight, nerd then look no further than Michael Cera.  He's been great in films like Superbad and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  I think he'd be a perfect match for Prock. 

 

Chris Pratt as Muscle Man

Pratt has proven he can play the dimwitted best friend of Prock with his role as Andy in the television show Parks and Recreations.  He also beefed up to play Star-Lord in this summer's Guardians of the Galaxy.  Put these two combinations together and we've got our Muscle Man!

Keira Knightley as Concierge

Originally thought of to be more of a babysitter for the Awesomes, Concierge has become the team's know-it-all to any question they may have about super villains and their pasts.  She's super organized and super serious.  Which is good considering she works with guys like Muscle Man and Frantic.  I also think her and Prock have some kind of un-spoken connection, or it that just me?

Knightly wowed us all with her role in the Pirates of the Caribbean films and then went on to do roles in Domino and Anna Karinina.  She's got the build of Concierge, and I think her British accent will add a little more flavor to the character.  I'd even say she can skip the red hair.  I really don't mind.

 

Will Poulter as Frantic

In We're the Millers, Poulter played a doe-eyed kid who believed in everyone, and his comical performance was one of the best things about an otherwise forgettable film.  He'd be great as Frantic, the super-speed hick who joins the Awesomes in search of heroism and fame.

Jonathan Ke Quan as Sumo

Yes, I know Ke Quan is like 40 now, but I couldn't think of any other Asian actors under the age of 13 currently working in Hollywood; can you?  But think of how great the actor from The Goonies and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom would be as the boy who knows nothing about the world and turns into a giant sumo wrestler when he's angry.  I'd love you see that!

 

Emma Stone as Gadget Gal

This was the first casting choice that started all the rest in my head.  I can think of no other actress out there who has the quick tongue and tough skin to pull off this swinging character.  Gadget Gal was enjoying retirement when an aging ray turned back her clock about 50 years.  Now she's back in her prime and fighting bad guys with the Awesomes while still giving them her 1940's attitude.

Stone has charmed us in films like The Help and Crazy, Stupid, Love.  But it's her break-out role in Easy A that made me love this actress and all her talents.  Watch the film and tell me she isn't the perfect Gadget Gal.  I dare ya!

 

Minka Kelly as Hotwire

Hotwire is the daughter of Prock's father's mortal enemy.  She is trying to be a good guy and fight with the Awesomes but her past soon catches up with her.  Which is all a bummer because she's sweet and has left Prock smitten.

With her roles on television shows like Almost Human and Friday Night Lights, Kelly proves she is the sweet girl-next-door with a smokin body!  If she were to put on the Hotwire outfit I dare any guy not to be smitten.

 

Lamorne Morris as Impresario

This character is hilarious because of his flaws.  He is a huge mama's boy who just so happens to make anything he wants using his mind; think Green Lantern minus the ring.  So all of his constructs are his mother as a car, a hammer, a missile, etc.  It's hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

On New Girl Morris plays the lovable, yet slightly troubled, Winston.  You like the guy, but you're not sure if you'd really want to be his friend because he's got issues.  That's Impresario.

 

Ben Stiller as Dr. Malocchio

One of the funniest things about The Awesomes is the villain. Dr. Malocchio can hypnotise anyone except Mr. Awesome and his son.  He also has a lot of quirks that make his scenes interesting because you never know what minor detail he'll yell at his henchmen for.

I'm really not a Ben Stiller fan.  I feel like he plays the same character a lot, but when he steps outside of that character in movies like Dodgeball and Zoolander he is quite hilarious.  I think Malocchio would be a nice fit for Stiller to help bring out more of his comedic talent I know he has inside of him.  I just don't want another Night at the Museum sequel.  Dear Lord, make those stop!

Channing Tatum as Perfect Man

Hmmm.  An actor who looks like a guy that is a pretty boy, way into himself, but the actor himself is decent at comedy to pull it off?  Well I'm going with the 22 Jump Street star, Channing Tatum.  Anybody else got a suggestion?