My Top 5 Worst Comic Book Movie Performances

Last week I asked my friend to use their brains, dig deep within their souls, and give me their choices for their top 5, and bottom 5, comic book movie actors/actresses.  Some surprising conclusions came to surface, especially when I started making my own bottom 5. Most of the top actors were men, while most of the bottom 5 were women.  I don’t think this is sexist.  I enjoyed both Michelle Pfeiffer's and Anne Hathaway’s portrayals of Selina Kyle, but they just aren’t in my top 10, but I would say top 20 perhaps. I think this has more to say about Hollywood than the actors and actresses.  How most directors and producers look for the prettiest face, rather than acting ability, to bring out the best in the characters.  I would also blame the writers and studios who allow such great characters to be belittled in these roles that are strong female fictional role models, but still are seen mostly as a love interest for the male hero.  I only blame the thespians themselves last.

Anyway, I started whittling down my list there was one male that came to mind; Nicolas Cage in Ghost Rider was pretty bad.  However, I watched the first film while doing stuff around the house and never even bothered seeing the sequel.  So while I don’t like most Nicolas Cage films I thought it was unfair to judge him on something I didn’t bother to really concentrate on.  I’m also giving the cast of Batman and Robin a break.  I’ve seen the five leads of that film in other things and I know they all had the acting chops to play what their characters should have been, but again it just came down to bad directing, writing, producing, etc.  Finally, a fan favorite in this category is Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman.  While I agree she wasn’t my 1^st, 2^nd, or 3^rd choice as Sue Storm I think she did a better job than the following actresses. 

5) January Jones as Emma Frost/The White Queen

Anyone read Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-Men?  How about Grant Morrison’s New X-Men?  Emma Frost is more than just arm candy for Sebastian Shaw.  In X-Men: First Class she had hardly any emotion or sass.  Emma Frost is a down right bitch, and a great character to read.  She’s not just a Barbie doll who turns into a chandelier.  I know Miss Jones is on a hit TV show, Mad Men, but this is major motion pictures.  You either bring it, or you get left out of the sequel.  I rest my case.

4) Famke Janssen as Jean Grey

Imagine you’re a 16-year-old girl who is dating a shy, and timid, field leader of the X-Men.  Now imagine you get the powers of a god, use that power to kill billions, kill yourself because of what you did, and then realize it wasn’t you at all, it was copy of you, and while you were asleep in the water some "thing" was living your life and getting freaky with your boyfriend!  That’s just half of Jean Grey’s story.

Before all that happened Jean was the girl-next-door that all the boys as Xavier’s school wanted to hook-up with.  She was sweet as Sue Storm and as powerful as Charles Xavier.  So why did they get the villain from Goldeneye to play this innocent young woman?  I never liked her, I never got what Scott and Logan saw in her, and I never saw Jean Grey in her.  I cheered when Wolverine killed her in X3.  That, and Iceman going full-ice, were the only good parts in that film.  I’m too mad about this. I’m moving on.

3) Jennifer Garner as Elektra Natchios

The Man Without Fear always seemed to have a blind-spot when it came to Elektra, and so did 20^th Century Fox when they cast Jennifer Garner.  I mean, I thought Garner looked really hot in Daredevil. I’m also glad this allowed her and Ben Affleck to work together more because then they ended up getting married, and they are one of my favorite Hollywood couples.  But Garner should not have been Elektra.

Elektra is a killer.  She’s not nice, she likes to play with Matt’s emotions, and get him into trouble. But Mr. Murdock didn’t need any more help in that category.  Garner is too non-threatening and I just didn’t buy it.  Personally I think her and Famke Janssen should have switched roles.  Then neither of them would have been on this list.

2) Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane Watson

I’ve never been a big Spider-Man fan.  While I enjoy the finer parts of the character and mythology I’ve left the web-head obsession to my brother.  And because of his passion I know more than I need to know, and one thing I know is that Kirsten Dunst couldn’t play the real Mary Jane Watson if you stretchered her six inches, gave her a boob job, and every other word out of her mouth was ‘tiger.’ 

MJ is a supermodel for Christ sakes!  I liked Maguire as Peter Parker a hell of a lot more than I like Andrew Garfield, but Dunst is not Mary Jane.  Mary Jane is confident and sassy.  She’s so hot that no one can understand why she is dating, and married, Peter Parker.  Dunst is the girl-next-door who would have made a good Gwen Stacy, but as MJ I’d have rather have seen someone who actually makes me say, “ wait a sec.....he’s with her?”

1) Halle Berry as Ororo Monroe/Storm

Of course this had to be my #1! I’m a big X-Men fan and this is one of the biggest tragedies in movie/comic book history!  I prayed Bryan Singer would not bring her back for X-Men: Days of Future Past, but since he has I pray she doesn’t have more than just a few lines.  Just because she’s the #1 black actress doesn’t mean she has to play the #1 black, female, superhero.  I think Halle Berry totally deserved her Oscar for Monster’s Ball, even though, like Swordfish, all anyone cared about was her breasts.  When you start off the first film with a bad African accent, a half-assed accent in the sequel, and by the third film you are speaking totally American; well I have no respect for you in that role.

I heard that Berry didn’t even want to do X3 unless her part was expanded.  I get that.  Storm is a great character, but when you focus on Wolverine for five, soon to be six films, it’s hard to add any other good character arcs into the mix.  Storm is claustrophobic and used to be worshipped as a god in Africa.  Yet Berry’s portrayal made her seem so normal it was lame.  I never thought I wanted to see more of her in the films.  Oh, and that spinning, tornado, move in X3, I died a little inside when I saw that.  

MY TOP 5 COMIC BOOK MOVIE PERFORMANCES

This week I’ve encountered a topic on several occasions.  I think the topic was sparked by the opening of Thor: The Dark World, but it seems the discussion of BEST COMIC BOOK MOVIE ACTOR just seems to keep being in my face.  This is a very loaded and interesting topic that I could personally go on talking about for quite some time because their have been some great performances. 

Yesterday on Facebook I asked my friends who their TOP 5 COMIC BOOK MOVIE ACTORS were.  Again, it’s a great topic and I got some great responses.  I then thought about every ones suggestions and had to took my own personal preference into account and have mark my own TOP 5 list.  I had to take out TV series and animated movies because then it would just be ungodly to make a TOP 10 list even.  I thought about Tom Hiddleston as Loki, Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach, Alan Cummings as Nightcrawler, J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson, and both Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger in their interpretations as The Joker. There have been some great performances!

So, like I said, I had to take my own taste into mind.  Some may argue with me about my TOP 5, just like I may with theirs, but these are 5 actors who I feel just nailed their roles and brought these characters to life where I felt that they were being ripped right off the comic page.

5) Wesley Snipes as Eric Brook/Blade

Say what you will about  Blade: Trinity I found it to be entertaining when I first saw it, mainly because Ryan Reynolds was hilarious in it.  For three films Wesley Snipes perfected the scowl of The Daywalker.  He was hard-edged and could kick some serious ass.  You saw the conflict in him and saw that he lived his part from the first reading of the script to the very last re-shoot.  To me, this all comes through on screen and just makes me smile every time Blade starts kicking ass from in the first scene of every movie. 

MY FAVORITE LINE:

Blade: Some mother-fuckers are always trying to ice-skate up hill.

4) Chris Evans as Johnny Storm/The Human Torch

Growing up, I loved The Human Torch.  He was silly, funny, and always cool.  As a young boy who couldn’t be entranced by the characters charisma.  As a kid, I always thought of my family as the Fantastic Four.  My father was Mr. Fantastic as the nerdy science guy none of us really connected with.  My mother was The Invisible Woman who tried to keep us together and functional.  My brother was The Thing, a little brooding, a little misunderstood, and we always seem to get on each others nerves.  Which of course left me as The Human Torch, a kid who was a little to arrogant, a little to energetic, and always wanted to look good in front of a crowd.

Regardless of how you may feel about the FF films Chris Evan encompassed everything I thought The Human Torch was or could be.  Evans was the comedy relief in the first Fantastic Four film and was so well liked he had the main character arch in the second film.  When Evans was cast as Captain America I thought it was a horrible choice.  I loved Evan as Johnny Storm, a character who could not be further from Steve Rogers.  But Evan surprised me and did a great job as Cap and I can’t wait for Winter Soldier to come out.  But to me, Evans will always be The Human Torch with the delivery of one line.

SUE: You don’t really want to walk around on-fire for the rest of your life, do you?

JOHNNY: Is that a trick question?

3) Hugh Jackman as Logan/Wolverine

In my life I would consider myself an uber-geek about 3 things; Star Wars, Superman, and X-Men.  Because of this I am very critical about any movie about these topics.  I would say that four out of the six X-Men films are watchable and three I actually enjoy watching.  Hugh Jackman is over 6 ft tall.  In the comic books Logan is supposed to be no bigger than 5’7.  This is really my only beef with Jackman as playing the man who is best there is at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice.

For six X-Men movies Jackman has played this character, and regardless of how I felt about each one, I was always impressed with Jackman as Wolverine.  He brings the rage, the depth, the vulnerability, the loneliness, and heroism, to this character like I always dreamed he would be in real life.  I can read a comic with Wolverine in it and picture Jackman delivering those lines and making it seem real. Although I can only hope that X-Men: Days of Future Past will be as good as the trailer makes it seems I have no doubt Jackman as Wolverine will be great no matter what.  I’m also hearing rumors of a 3^rd Wolverine solo film.  Give me a Fastball Special on that one!

MY FAVORITE LINE:

Wolverine: You picked the wrong house bub.

2) Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man

RDJ is quoted in saying that Iron Man saved his life.  Downey has had a roller-coaster-career. He's had  problems with drugs and alcohol that landed him in rehab and jail several times.  When I heard RDJ was cast as Tony Stark I thought, “a recovering, alcoholic, actor playing an alcoholic, narcissistic, superhero.  Perfect!” 

I’m not a big Iron Man fan but even I knew Donwey was made for this role.  After everything he went through in his life it helped him understand this character and bring him to life with such fullness no one could have matched.  RDJ has made this character more likable and bankable than any of the other Marvel Studio characters, and jump-started the whole Marvel cinematic universe.  Can you believe at one point Tom Cruise was considered to play Tony Stark?  Man, that would have been horrible!
MY FAVORITE LINE:
Tony Stark: They say the best weapon is the one you never have to fire. I respectfully disagree. I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's who America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.
Iron Man: 

1)Christopher Reeves as Clark Kent/Superman

Like you didn’t see this coming!  Most people who have an actual valued opinion on this subject matter grew up with Christopher Reeves as their Superman.  I wasn’t even born yet when Superman: The Movie was released but even I know the importance of the film and, Reeves iconic role, in the history of film and superhero/comic book genre.  He made us believe a man could fly.  He made us all believe that some one could be that good, and genuine, and honorable. Which is kind of the who point of Superman.

I have enjoyed other portrayals of the Man of Steel since Reeve hung up his cape.  Dean Cain turned him into the “every man” while I think Henry Cavill brought this character into a new age, even thought I have serious issues with Man of Steel, like so many issues that as a long-time Superman fan I can not bring myself to buy the blu-ray. 

Anyway, Reeves distinctly made sure that Clark Kent and Superman were two completely different people.  Every time I watch Superman: The Movie I still finish with thinking how awesome Reeves performance was.  He was the first actor to take a superhero seriously.  Without Reeves or this film the comic book and superhero genre in film would not have advanced so far to gives us Batman a decade later with Michael Keaton (who almost made my list) as a Dark Knight who was way more different than the last person to don the cowl; Adam West.  This is the movie I think all superhero films should aspire to be, and all who play comic book characters should aspire to this level of acting.

MY FAVORITE LINE:

Superman: General, would you care to step outside?

My Psychological-Superhero Breakthrough

Last night my wife and I went to go see the newest super-hero film by Marvel Studios; Thor: The Dark World.  While I enjoyed the film I liked the first Thor film better. I felt like it had a better heroes journey for Thor and the end battle meant more rather than just fighting the dark elf for the destruction of the universe. On the way home we discussed the film and she seemed to be more entertained by it than I was.  Of course the whole time I was watching the film I was just hoping to see a member of Guardians of the Galaxy, but I didn't catch any.  I explained to her that while I like the Iron Man and Thor films I've never really enjoyed reading their comics.  I own several Captain America comics and feel like I can relate to the character more.  A skinny kid who grows up to become a confident hero I think loosely describes my life better than an alcoholic genius or an intergalactic prince.  My wife then commented that while she enjoys Captain America she likes characters like Thor and Batman better because Cap is just so, "good".

This lead to commentary about some of my favorite comic book characters.  While it is known that I like Captain America and Superman, two of the most "good" comic book characters around, I never fully understood why.  After my wife said how "good" these characters are I came up with the rebuttle, "do you know how hard it is to be good?"  That phrase then got me thinking about my other favorite comic book to read, X-Men, and then it all clicked for me.

Captain America and Superman are iconic symbols in their respective universes.  They do the right thing no matter what and stand above the rest of the heroes as something to strive for.  They do the "good" thing because someone has to, because someone as to show humanity what is best in us, even when it's the hardest thing to do.  Then there are the X-Men.  "Sworn to protect a world that fears and hates them" seems pretty similar to what Cap and Supes do; and these are three of my favorite comics to read.

I was raised in a good home, by good parents, had a good childhood, and believed good things will happen.  I smile at people on the street, I open doors for strangers, and I always try to help a friend in need.  I read the news every day and I see what happens in the world and I see with my own eyes how some people can be so selfish and cruel.  I think kindness is contagious.  If someone is exposed to it enough it rubs off on them. From my years of working in customer service I tell you that being nice to a person who isn't recipricating it isn't the easiest thing.  In fact, sometimes it seems impossible.  But I do it at work, and I try to do it my life as well.  Not because I'm naive or don't believe in getting my hands dirty.  Like my favorite heroes, I do falter sometimes, more than they seem to do, but it's all in the desire to be better than the rest of the world. Because Like Captain America, Superman, and the X-Men I think if we all strived to be better than the world might actually be better.  And when I find people who don't feel the same, well, let's just my shield is upstairs.   Seriously.....I have a shield, it's awesome!

 

CASTING CALL: THE DEFENDERS

A few days ago it was announced that Netflix would be creating more original programming. These new series will be based on Marvel comic characters.  This is all part of a multi-corporate deal through Disney.  You see, Disney owns Marvel and has a partnership with Netflix.  So together they’re going to make 4 series, at least 13 episodes each, and then create a miniseries, The Defenders.  While all of the characters they’re using characters have been on The Defenders, it wasn’t at the same time, but I’m gonna let it slide because I’m psyched by this announcement!  Marvel Studios has been doing great with creating their "Marvel cinematic universe" and although I stopped watching Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. after the 3^rd episode I have a feeling these new series will be a little more enjoyable for myself and others.

The four characters they picked aren’t the heroes who go out and fight aliens like The Avengers.  And they don’t fight mega-super villains either.  Mainly they stick to the streets of New York and fight gangs, ninja clans, and other non-universe threats.  I think this whole project could be something really new and interesting for Marvel Studios.  It’s much like when they introduced Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America films and then made an Avengers movie.  They have the same opportunity here to re-create that formula, but only making something a little more edgier. 

This Netflix world can still be a part of the "Marvel cinematic universe" but because of the setting and characters can also have a different feel.  I wanted a Heroes for Hire TV series years ago!  As soon as I heard the announcement my first thought was casting, because, like Chris Evans and Samuel L. Jackson, these actors may be asked to play these characters in movies or other TV series.  When I think about casting a franchise I always try to think of younger actors who can do the role for the next decade or more.  But I also wanted to get a good fit for it all. I hope you like my choices!

Grey Damon as Daredevil/Matt Murdock

For those of you who did not see Ben Affleck’s portrayal of Daredevil on the big screen you didn’t miss much.  However if you missed the blu-ray Director’s Cut you missed a pretty good film.  Matt Murdock is blinded as a child in a chemical accident that heightens the rest of his senses 10x.  Matt’s father is then murdered by the mob and he goes on to fight crime in Hell’s Kitchen. Check out Frank Miller’s origin story.  It’s my favorite.  And yes rookies, he’s the same guy who wrote 300, Sin City, and The Dark Knight Returns.

I mostly know Damon from his role on Friday Night Light (love it) and since then he’s guest starred in several TV series and movies.  I’m a firm believer in getting someone for a role who looks the part or can be slightly altered to look the part.  Matt Murdock is a redhead so matching that can be tricky.  Affleck just dyed his hair so it looked dark-red, but just never seemed right to me.  Damon’s got a gentle voice and light red hair that I think would fit Matt Murdock perfectly.  He’s young enough to do the physicality of the role, and a good enough actor to make this troubled hero come to life!  Also, since the character is some-what-well-known, like the Superman formula, you can rely on the brand name and bring in a not-so-well-known actor for what I'm sure will be the center of this Netflix world.

   

Morris Chestnut as Power Man/Luke Cage

Cage grew up on the streets of New York, in the hood if you will.  He’s caused trouble, and even ended up in prison.  But after getting out Cage volunteered for an experiment that gave him super strength and impenetrable skin.  Since then he’s become a softer character has matured into a hero, husband, and father.

Face it, Chestnut just looks the part perfectly.  Although he’s a little older that I’d like to cast Cage I can’t deny he’d be perfect for the part. Plus I think him being older could make him more seasoned and wise compared to the younger characters.  Chestnut also has a long history of acting from Boyz in the Hood to Kick-Ass 2.  Also, we needed Cage and Iron Fist to look good together, and I think Chestnut and Hedlund would play off each other well.

   

Garrett Hedlund as Iron Fist/Danny Rand

Danny Rand is the son of a millionaire.  His father was obsessed with finding the mystical city of K’un L’un.  His parents were killed in this quest and Danny was found and raised by the people of K’un L’un.  After years of martial arts training Danny gained the powers of the immortal Iron Fist by defeating a dragon….yes, a dragon.  Danny then returns to New York to reclaim his father’s company and use his new abilities to fight crime.  He soon teams up with Power Man, a.k.a. Luke Cage, and forms Heroes for Hire(yes, it’s just like it sounds) and then much later the two get their own Avengers team.  To me, Iron Fist is like Batman meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  I highly recommend the Ed Brubaker and Duane Swierczynski's 5-volume run.  It’s what got me interested in the character.

Hedlund is most known for his role as Sam Flynn in 2010’s Tron: Legacy.  His character had a chip on his shoulder that is only matched by Danny Rand’s. He looks the part and would look great standing next to Chestnut.  My only hesitation is Hedlund’s ability to master the martial art moves. Rand is almost has a self-destructive in his personal life as Matt Murdock, but it’s his relationship with Luke Cage I find most interesting.  Rand is a rich guy who grew up with Kung-Fu monks.  Cage is an ex-con who grew up on the mean streets of New York.  These two guys could not be more opposite and yet they’ve been best friends for years.  I’d like to explore why. 

 

Jessica Biel as Power Woman/Jessica Jones

To be honest I don’t know a lot about Jessica Jones.  I never really knew the character until she married Luke Cage.  In high school she has a crush on Peter Parker and was exposed to the same radiation he was, minus the spider-bite.  This put Jessica in a coma for years, until she woke-up and realized she had super-strength and flight.  Must have been one hell of a nap.

This character is tough, almost has tough as her husband.  We’ve seen Biel kick some vampire butt in Blade:Trinity and also kick Kate Beckinsale’s butt in Total Recall, which is technically the same thing if you think about it.  I think she would compliment this cast perfectly. 

 

Ok Disney.  I did the hard part; now make it happen!